You've spent the last 18 years or more putting energy into raising your children, and you've succeeded. They're off studying at college, building careers, perhaps even launching their own families. Though your young adults may still drop by to do their laundry, you're officially an empty nester.

St. Lawrence University Director of Counseling Services Bill Burns says the feelings that arise when the last child leaves home can affect each parent and the couple's marriage.

In an October 2005 Ascribe Newswire article, Burns says people's reactions vary dramatically. "Some experience joy, fulfillment, and relief," the article says. "They may see a new world of opportunity opening up. They are free to do things they may not have been able to do for the past 18 years. Other parents will feel loneliness and anxiety - the pain of loss and the anxiety of letting go. They may find themselves asking: 'My work is done. Now what?' Or, 'What is my purpose in life?'"

The first step in dealing with this change, experts say, is to acknowledge that it's happening-and to realize that whether you consider it positive or negative, this change can be stressful. Burns encourages spouses to share their feelings about the empty nest.

In the same way that good financial planning dictates you start this phase of life with a review of your insurance, your retirement plans and your will, good relationship planning calls for a review of your marriage.

Consider using REFOCCUS, a marital inventory designed to help you look at both day-to-day and big-picture topics. Call us for a referral to a church or organization to guide you through the process: 920-964-0120.

Another good resource is The Second Half of Marriage, by Claudia and David Arp (Zondervan, 1998), in which the authors offer eight challenges for empty nesters. Among those challenges:

As empty nesters, you'll certainly think about how you're using the space in your home-and perhaps consider moving to another home or even another part of the country.

Experts suggest looking at the space in your mind and heart, too. Find a new creative outlet or explore a long-held dream. Don't forget about taking care of yourself; exercising and getting moving can help you handle the stress of change.

And keep things moving as a couple. For your time together, see David and Claudia Arp's 10 Great Dates for Empty Nesters (Zondervan, 2004).

Writing in the March 2006 issue of Prevention, medical scientist and psychologist Joan Borysenko says the empty nest is a beautiful thing. "You've created a family and given them wings. Now that the kids have nests of their own, I get to love and be loved without the cleanup."

She adds that people entering later stages of life can keep on growing, personally and professionally. Her advice for individuals holds true for couples, too: "Reinventing yourself is such fun. Don't ever stop doing it."